The day I truly learned to Trust & Surrender

I’m going to share a very personal story with you and I am even a little afraid to share it – but that fear means I am moving forward – for I have learned to recognize this feeling and not to let it determine my destiny anymore! This is a story of how I finally was able to transcend my fears, doubts and second guessing to become empowered and constantly knowing I am coming from a position of strength (a position I never really understood before – I thought I understood but once you realize there’s no going back and it’s very exciting!)

Once upon a time….

A little over a year ago, I was sitting in my farmhouse, knowing I should be grateful ~ that I should be happy. Feeling guilt for not having those happy grateful thoughts I should have (that’s a lot of should’s) and feeling like my life was becoming a viscous circle of ups and downs. I was ashamed and depressed and feeling like I had hit rock bottom. I had paradise but I was struggling, emotionally, financially and physically to hold on to my “paradise” I felt like I was playing a losing game, like I was constantly trying to put a square peg in a round hole. In the middle of this struggle I was then walloped with a huge bill, that I had no hope of paying. After this bill came in I totally and completely lost what little scraps of hope I had left, I knew I was experiencing the true feeling of hopelessness (turns out it was a gift, I know right?!?) But for me, I needed to know the extremes of all these emotions in order to grow – the Universe has taken me on such a roller coaster ride the last 10 years or so – (on purpose and I am thankful for each lesson and moment – NOW) Over the last 10 + years I had also studied things like manifestation, gratitude, journaling, meditation, how to be happy, as well as Tarot & Astrology and other mystical arts. With things like Tarot and the other arcane arts ~ there’s a lot of life lessons & secrets that one can learn if one knows how and where to look and how to apply them. And although I thought I was doing everything I could do to bring happiness and contentment into my life (I was meditating, writing in gratitude journals, taking manifesting courses, thinking happy thoughts and there was definite growth and there were many happy and joyful moments – don’t get me wrong) but life was still such a struggle, I was regularly suffering from panic attacks, I was immobilized by my moods some days, there were days and weeks that I was trapped in my own house because of my anxiety and I thought well I guess there’s bad with good ~ trying to be the brave soldier I thought suffering is part of the game ~ I’m doing everything I can to be happy ~ right?!?!

Well the answer was, apparently not and the Universe has had a way with teaching me lessons in extremes all my life ~ so back to this monstrous bill ~ we last left our heroine (that would be me) with it looming over her head like a huge black storm cloud ~ it took over my life and effected me to the point where my life was in darkness (literally and figuratively – this will be explained momentarily) and was about to change drastically. The bill I am speaking of was a Hydro bill. So I ended up losing all electricity – now out in the country that effects more than just your lights, fridge and electronics ~ and effects your life in ways you may not have considered – we have all gotten use to it naturally in our lives. So we lost our fridge, freezer and most food involved, there was to be no laundry (now having to take it out to do it) lost all running water ~ having now to go out to the field where our well was and haul in water by the bucketful (of ice cold water) that was NOT drinkable. This meant we were sponge bathing in ice cold water (when we weren’t “borrowing” showers from friends) also toilets become an issue (as you can’t flush them every time) we had to monitor our flushes and which toilet had been used and flushed that day etc – my son did many morning trips out to the well for “toilet water” not to mention the water for bathing and water for dishes and the water for the animals. Cooking also became a challenge as was general food usage. A jar of mayonnaise was now a one shot deal (once opened) as was any other refrigerated perishable – oh yes you can buy ice for a cooler but long term it’s not practical. We were living like pioneers ~ cooking on a woodstove, reading by candlelight in the evenings (no tv or computers) going to bed a lot earlier because with out electronics and light it gets really dark and extremely quiet, especially in the country (you don’t realize how quiet your house is when there’s not even the buzz of the fridge or freezer let alone a tv or computer) But we often joked that we were living in the world’s nicest tent. This lifestyle change of ours went on for 3 long months with what seemed like no light at the end of our tunnel (sorry couldn’t resist the pun) And we were quickly facing the harsh reality that winter with no lights, no water and no heat would undo us ~ something had to change. We had been turned down for government assistance. And the only thing I could change was me – so I did (with the Universe forcing me into a corner with no other real choice) But I now see I needed to know what this felt like, I needed to know what being at the end of my rope really felt like, I needed to live it briefly (and I now know it was so I could truly help and understand those that are suffering at the ends of their ropes) It was then that I decided to do 2 things ~ I decided to do an Ancient Manifesting Ritual (something I has done before many times with mixed results ~ more results in my favour, if I’m honest not always in my favour) I also started a Novena to St Theresa of the Little Flower. I put things in place, this time I had truly made space and this time I had truly trusted and surrendered and completely understood the emotion behind it (it’s like something clicked into place – no more round pegs in square holes) I had no idea where aid was coming from – I just knew it was coming to pay this bill and get the lights back on. I gave it over and there were some lessons of humility that I needed to learn but there were also lessons of love that I learned too. And not only did I get my bill paid and all the extra costs (over $1000 worth that Hydro decided to tact on) but my first month’s bill afterwards was covered to0

~ I got MORE than I had asked for! The Universe answered with “Something Better” (one of the answers the Universe will give you) Oh yes and I got my Rose in answer to my Novena from St Theresa too! I had an epiphany ~ I had finally learned what space I need to be in! From there the flood gates were opened! Decisions became easier, I wasn’t second guessing myself, my anxiety attacks went away (not over night, mind you, but I had truly changed and I have got them completely under control – I say that with true strength) my relationships got way better, my moods were more under my control instead of them controlling me, my energy was reappearing, my health although a struggle didn’t seem so daunting now (I was more understanding and gentle with myself) and what I purposely manifest, I now always get the answer “Something better” I know I was in the exact right place I need to be. My emotions were in check and not wildly out of control and life became smoother and easier ~ oh sure I still have the odd little “bad” moment but honestly I don’t have “bad days” (or even weeks) anymore – they are just moments and I recognize them for what they are and I can teach you how to recognize them too!

My meditations have become more insightful and because of my being in the right place to let these flood gates finally open up the HEAP of Abundance course just came flooding out of me! I want to share with you how to make that change within yourself (without having to lose your lights first!)

  • I know now, the freedom of living life on purpose!
  • I want you to have that freedom too!
  • I want you to always get the answer of “Something Better” than you hoped for.
  • I want life to be smoother and easier for you too

I want you to live life on purpose!

Let me show you how ~ all you have to do is say YES.

Comment YES below and I will PM you with details and we can take it from there. In less than a handful of months you will be a completely different person!

You will be a happier, joy -filled version of your beautiful self ~ living life on purpose!

Let me show you how beautiful life can be – this is a decision you will never regret!

You will learn life skills that you can use in every situation and every aspect of your life to make it better, smoother and easier, no matter where you are right

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